Everything for a reason.....right?

I hate to sound like a downer, yet again, but life has made a turn, not sure the better or the worse. The jist of it is for the last six months I have been having problems with my hip, and it got to be a problem at work where they didn't feel I was safe or fit to fly so they had one of their doctors check me out and was found unfit and unsafe to continiue working on a plane. So my flight attendent days are over. My company gave me 30 days (from Wednesday) to either find another position in the company or resign. Not sure what Im going to do yet. Thankfully until I make my decision or time runs out (which either one comes first) they have alowed me to stay on and do light duty (office work). I have thought about possibly moving back home and going to school. I've looked into jobs in other businesses in different places. I just need to really weigh the pros and cons with each thing and pray about it before making any decision. I did start to think I needed a change in my life but this wasn't the way I planned on it happening. I wasn't completely ready for my flight attendent career to be over but it is. Everything for a reason....right?

Northeast Trip

For my second vacation this year my dad and brother Allen flew into Charlotte and on Monday (July 15th) we drove, I refused to fly. We drove up to the Palmyra NY area. On the 16th we wandered around Palmyra including the Sacred Grove and went to the Hill Cumorah Padget. I had a great time. Then on the 17th we drove over to Niagra Falls and then over to the Kirtland OH area. Then yesterday we rumped around Kirtland and then drove back down to Charlotte. Today is my brother Brandon's birthday so we're driving down to Atlanta for his birthday.

Feeling down.

And a little frustrated. I've been in Charlotte almost two years and no one to hang out with, tell my troubles to or them tell me their troubles. No one to be interested in or interested in me. Just hopeless. I'm going to die someday when I'm old all alone and blue. I read about all my other friends getting married and having children and while I'm happy for them I'm jealous too. Cause it's a joy I'll never know.

Flying Standby Part 2

Well I did get out of Dallas but got stuck overnight in L.A.. I finally made it to Salt Lake on Thursday morning but just barely. Now I'm tryingto fly back home to Charlotte. I opted to take the redeye but still had to come early cause my parents had to catch an earlier flight. Grandpa's birthday and the reuion was fine. I'm glad I came.

Flying Standby

Flying standby sucks! I so don't want to fly to Rochester next month. I'd rather drive. I've been trying to get to Utah for the last 12 1/2 hours and only got as far as Dallas. And I really don't want to get stuck here tonight. I don't want to get stuck anywhere. But if I have to get stuck somewhere I'd rather it be Phoenix. I said it before and I will say it again sometimes flying standby really sucks!

Sharing is hard

Lincoln has a work truck that is for work only. So we share my car. He wanted to car this week so that means he had to drop me off at the airport at 6 am. I don't have to be at work until 5:30 pm. So now I have to spend 11 freaking hours at the airport. I'm tired and bored. I wish I hadn't agreed to him having my car. Sometimes sharing the car is really hard.

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2912168/fstigtmsb

Draggin Through

There really isn't a lot to report on. Things with Lincoln being here are going well. Really well with him. A part of me may be a little jealous. I've been here in Charlotte for a year and a half and still struggle to feel like I fit in and belong. Links is here just under three months and already has a good set of friends and feels like he belongs. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for him and it's what I wanted for him. But it's a little frustrating that I've been here as long as I have been and don't feel like I can call anyone really a friend. Their just Sunday/church friends. The only place that I have ever felt like I belonged and was happy was Virginia. I should have never left. It's a regret that I'll live with for the rest of my life. I loved my time in Virginia and life was wonderful up there. I can't say that it would feel the same way now if I were to move up there now cause so much as changed since I lived there. But had I never left and gone through the changes while still there I can still see myself being happy up there. I'm not 100% happy right now in life. And while I'm not ready to make any big life desicions or changes yet, there are things that I'm starting to think about. I've been a flight attendant for about 7 1/2 years now and while I've set the goal to do it for two more years (then I'll have ten years under my belt) I'm not sure I really want to do it that much longer. I still enjoy what I do, but more often than not I wish I was doing something else. What? I don't know. I'm not trained in anything else nor do I have the education to do anything else. I have thought about going back to school, but at 28 I almost feel too old to go back to school. And I have no idea what I'd study. I like living in Charlotte and have no plans to leave it any time soon. I just wish life was different. I wish life had a different plan for me. I still at times find myself wondering how life would be different if things had ever worked out between my best friend and I. We get along so well and easily and care for and love each other greatly. And no one can make me laugh like he can. But there are no romantic feelings on either side. That and he's called me fat and ugly. Though I don't think all that much of myself I feel I deserve someone who doesn't see me that way, or at least would never say it to me. I've got to stop watching the movie Les Miserables. It's funny cause at first I hated the movie and now I enjoy it a lot. Gotta love Hugh Jackman!

Don't want another heartach

There is a guy that I'm trying hard not to like. It's hard cause he's so sweet, funny and kind. He reminds me of another guy that I used to really really like. And that guy gave me the biggest heartach of my life. With this new guy I don't want another heartach, so that is why I'm trying not to like him. I'm scared of what liking him could mean. I'm scared of what liking him could do. Why can't I just be happy being friends? Why does my heart have to get in the way? I don't want things to change completely. But it would be nice if he at least acted like he liked me more than a friend. But he doesn't, and I really don't want to tread the ground of another broken heart.

Not much

is happening in my world until this weekend coming up. My little brother will be living in my living room until at least May, then we'll see. He comes in on Friday.