Insomnia

I hate it when I can't sleep! I'll tell the older I get the worse the insomnia is. Crazy. I just want to SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A poem I wrote

I know you feel times are tough.
And you think you have had enough.
I wil stay by your side,I will be your loving gude.
If you allow me I'll be your light.
I'll help you through the darkest night.
I know that you are trying.
And I feel your pain when you are crying.
I will always be here.
I'm never far I'm always near.
If you allow me I'll lend you a hand.
I'll give you hope in what you may not understand.
I know you fall now and then.
I'm right here to help you stand again and again.
I'm always there night or day.
I will never walk away.
And if you allow my love you will overcome all.
And if you allow me I'll help you stand tall.
So take my hand and you will see.
I'll guide you to where you'll be free.
If you allow me I'll help you through.
And I want you to know I'll always love you.

Maybe losing a friend

For the last almost four years I've called my friend Julie my best friend. Now for some reason she is no where to be found. She changed her number and hasn't contacted me whatsoever. It leaves me wondering if I did something to upset her or whatever. I don't know. Not to my knowledge I did, but could have. It's strange when I was in Virginia we talked almost everyday. She's lived in Phoemix all but five years in her life and ever since I moved here it's almost like we have nothing to do with each other, mostly on her end. I don't get it. Oh well, people come and go all the time right?

Sometimes being Mormon is hard

Tonight for the second time since working in the airlines I've had the realization that it can sometimes be tough to be Mormon slap me in the face. Two in a half years ago the flight attendant I was working with and I were going to go to the mall on our over night. Instead she decided to go drinking with the pilots. Tonight the other flight attendant, myself and the first officer and myself went out to eat for his birthday. Then the flight attendant and I were going to go down town. Instead even though they just had been drinking some at the resturant they decided to go back to the hotel and drink some more. Granted both times I declined the offer to drink and told the flight attendants to go ahead if they wanted to drink instead. I didn't want them to do something they didn't want to do cause of me. And both times they choose to drink and I was left out. I don't regret my choose in not going with them and in reality I love being a Mormon and wouldn't want to be without the church. But it hurts to be left behind. It really sucks. And both times for a few moments I wished that I wasn't Mormon. Sometimes it's hard to be Mormon.

Any Advice?

So Jason is starting to act interested in me again. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Like I said he's nice and all. He hasn't mentioned wantint to go fast or anything like that yet, so that's good. I don't know if I like him or if I just like the attention I'm getting from him. He is nice, attractive and makes me smile and laugh. He's someone I could possibly like once I get know him better. I just don't know what to do. If he asks me for another chance should I give it to him?

Boys and their toys

My uncle wanted to show my dad a hobby they both enjoy.

Jason

Okay I know in another post I said that the outcome of that date I was on last month was complicated. Well really it's not. His name is Jason and he's a nice guy and all... He's only been a memeber a year and a half and still likes to well do things a little different than me. After the first and probably only date, he started to try to get me to go to his house. All he ever wanted to do was cuddle and make out. I haven't really ever been a relationship before and this was all new to me. I would make an excuse but he kept on after it. He even brought up marriage. Finally I told him that I felt he was going to fast and I wasn't ready. Well since then dating has never been brought up again and he doesn't really talk to me at church. I wouldn't say I'm heartbroken cause I really wasn't attached. But you live and learn.

Can't wait until 2010

I know it's only two weeks into 2009 but I'm so ready for the year to be over and next year to come.

Oh P.S. I got my car back this morning!

Just want a BREAK!

Man last week was losy and this week isn't proving to be any better. I just want a break! Why is that so much to ask for? On the way to work this morning my car broke down. It's in the shop right now and might be there until Wednesday. But since I have to work Wednesday I might not get it back until Saturday. That would suck big time. I'm just so frustrated. I just want a flippin break from everything.

Lonely Blues

I love staying up night and just listening to the quiet sounds of the wee hour mornings. There isn't little kids screaming as the play tag up and down the walk ways or people yelling at each other from across the parking lot. It's just peaceful. I just sit in my apartment and think with no interruption. The only bad thing is sometimes my mind gets lose on me and I think about things that maybe I shouldn't be thinking about. Like how in the last year alot of my friends have gotten married or having babies and I'm still single. I did go on that one date last month, but I don't think that it will end up anywhere. It's complicated and won't get into it right now. It's when my mind starts drifting in that direction I start to feel empty and alone. Being gone alot with my job there are times where I am very lonely. And it's not that I think that if I get into a relationship then my problems will be fixed cause I don't. It's just I want something else in my life as well as what I have now. I'm tired of waiting. I'm trying to do things to improve myself and I feel now I'm more ready for the next step (a boyfriend) then I was a few years ago. I wouldn't give up the experiences I've had over the last three years for anything. But I now feel the longing for something more in life more than I've ever before. It's not just wanting to have a boyfriend. It's I need friends too. Making friends here in Phoenix hasn't happened as fast or easily as I had hoped. I'm still working on it. It's coming around, but slowly. I was spoiled by the people in Virginia. And if I felt there was something for me out there (which I don't) I'd go back in a heartbeat. Though times may not be the greatest right now in my personal life, I don't feel that coming to Arizona was a mistake. I have always felt like it's where I need to be and still do. I'm just lonely, that's all.

Elvis Presley Night

Okay I'm a compelete dork, but honestly I don't care. Today if Elvis Presley was still alive he would be 74. So I'm having an Elvis Presley Night to celebrate his bday. To be honest I like being a dork. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't.

Photobucket

If anyone is interested if you go to this link you can find a bunch of picturesnI've taken over the last two and a half years or so. http://s128.photobucket.com/albums/p179/cbg84/. O don't believe that you have to sing up to see it. If you do let me know.

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone has a great new year. I just hope this year is better than last. Hope all had a wonderful and fun time bringing in the new year. I (no surprise) was working. But it was a pretty good work day. Can't really complain.