Lonely Blues

I love staying up night and just listening to the quiet sounds of the wee hour mornings. There isn't little kids screaming as the play tag up and down the walk ways or people yelling at each other from across the parking lot. It's just peaceful. I just sit in my apartment and think with no interruption. The only bad thing is sometimes my mind gets lose on me and I think about things that maybe I shouldn't be thinking about. Like how in the last year alot of my friends have gotten married or having babies and I'm still single. I did go on that one date last month, but I don't think that it will end up anywhere. It's complicated and won't get into it right now. It's when my mind starts drifting in that direction I start to feel empty and alone. Being gone alot with my job there are times where I am very lonely. And it's not that I think that if I get into a relationship then my problems will be fixed cause I don't. It's just I want something else in my life as well as what I have now. I'm tired of waiting. I'm trying to do things to improve myself and I feel now I'm more ready for the next step (a boyfriend) then I was a few years ago. I wouldn't give up the experiences I've had over the last three years for anything. But I now feel the longing for something more in life more than I've ever before. It's not just wanting to have a boyfriend. It's I need friends too. Making friends here in Phoenix hasn't happened as fast or easily as I had hoped. I'm still working on it. It's coming around, but slowly. I was spoiled by the people in Virginia. And if I felt there was something for me out there (which I don't) I'd go back in a heartbeat. Though times may not be the greatest right now in my personal life, I don't feel that coming to Arizona was a mistake. I have always felt like it's where I need to be and still do. I'm just lonely, that's all.