I get to work again!

When I was in Dulles I flew on Untied Express. United still doesn't charge for drinks. Here in Phoenix I fly on US Airways and we do charge for drinks and have been since August 1, 2008.
Well starting on March 1, 2009 we are no longer going to be charging. I'm so excited! I actually get to work again. When we charged no one wanted anything so service would be done in about five minutes. And we'd spend the rest of the time bored out of our minds. Now we won't be charging I actually will have something to do. I'm so looking forward to that.
So in typical night before non-rev flying I got no sleep last night. Really don't know why. I think part of it I'm used to staying up all night cause I have to be up early to catch a flight. This time my flight isn't until almost three this afternoon. Man I'm going to be so tired. I think I'm also stressing about getting out to Dulles without any problems.

Doll and flowers

The flowers I got Sunday at church and the doll on the left grandma Raynes gzve to me for my birthday last year. The flowers were just a condolance.

Tribute to Grandma Garner and Grandma Raynes

I know it's late and I should really be asleep. But I made this video I though I would share. Sorry for the poor quality. But I tried. It's not great but it's my liitle farewell to them. Hope you like it.

Dealing

Well I have the week off of work. I'm doing okay. Not great but okay. There are so many things that I wish I could tell grandma Raynes. Growing up I didn't have the best memories of her. Then when she was diagnoised with cancer I decied that I needed to change my feelings for her. So really for the last couple months have been the best memories I have of her. I wish I had made that decision a long time ago instead of just in the last few months. I wish I could have told her how much I love her. How much she means to me.
I'm headed up to Utah for the funeral this weekend and then over to Virginia. I'm still really looking forward to Virginia. Right now especially I feel I need that.
Yesterday I spent the day to myself. Today I went out with a couple friends to a see a movie. So I'm dealing. It will be a little while before I'm over her death, but right now I'm doing okay.

Death is never easy

My mom just told me that her mom just passed away. So I'm really struggling. It doesn't help that my other grandmother passed away five months ago. I'm so not handling this well.

Cody

So Cody is the only one in Dulles I believe that I have not told I'm coming a week from Saturday. We have been playing a lovely game of phone tag though. I left him a message last night. He left me one this afternoon and then I left another tonight. Here is the thing, sometimes I think I'm losing my mind. Last month on his birthday and all the other times since I've moved when I've talked to it has been like talking to anyone else. But yesterday and today as I was trying to leave a message I had to erase and rercord more than once cause each time I just rambled on about nothing really. Then tonight when I got his voice message my heart started to beat faster and it was like I was when I was in Virginia all over again. I'm so confused. I thought I was over him. Maybe I'm not. It's just so frustrating partly cause Cody and I never dated. We were just friends, that's all we ever were. But I've found myself comparing other guys to Cody and now I feel like I did when I lived in Virginia. I shouldn't be having these kinds of feelings. It doesn't make sense. I wish they would go away.
But even though I'm going through a kind of crazy patch when it comes to Cody I'm still so totally excitied to go to Dulles. I so can't wait! I'm totally counting the days!

I'm going to IAD!!!!!

It got approved! So I'm leaving for Dulles on Feburary 28th and get back to Phoenix on the 7th of March. My biggest fear about going back there is that I'm not going to want to come back to Phoenix. :) But I'm so excitied.
So the other flight attendant and I spent this morning over at the Winter Quarters Temple here in Omaha NE. I thought it was pretty neat. There's the historical graveyard there too. There wasn't as many graves as I thought there might be, but it was still all good. Though I'm not able yet I can't wait until I can go to the temple. When I was out in Dulles I went to the DC temple many times and fell in love with temples and I've been to the one in Phoenix several times. And each time I go I just know that someday I will be able to go and be in the house of the lord. And I can't wait. For me each time I've gone there and just walked around the temple grounds there is such a peace and comfort there and at times it's hard to leave cause I want that feeling always. And I'm working on it and know that I'll get there hopefully someday soon.

Super Excited!

So last night I got to see my friend Sarah when I had an over night in Reno. It was the first time I'd seen her since her wedding in July. And she's pregnant. It's so cute. The flight attendant I'm working with right now is on loan from Dulles, and we got talking and she made me really homesick for Dulles. Seeing how I spent two and a half years out there. So we got talking more and on March 2nd she's going to work my trip out of Phoenix and I'll work her trip out of Dulles! So I'm so excited. I left ten months ago and I miss it so much. But I really enjoy Phoenix and feel this is where I'm suppose to be right now in life. But I'm super excited to go back in a couple weeks. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am right now. So that's where I am at right now.

A poem from Tuesday February 2, 2009

Everything went wrong Today

Everything went wrong today.
From the moment I got up and went on my way.
I’ve gone through the day with tear filled eyes.
Even though it felt like it no rain came from the skies.
I struggled to think positive about life.
Especially with pain stabbing like a knife.
I just hated everything around.
And no peace could be found.
Then all at once with a few simple words.
Peace started to fill my soul like musical cords.
And I felt better about the day.
And I knew all I needed to do was pray.
Though prayer I’ve struggled with my whole life through.
With Heavenly Father as my friend I don’t need to feel blue.
And though everything went wrong today.
Heavenly Father and Christ are here to stay.

Painful

So a couple weeks ago the flight attendant I was working with was sick and had a horrible cough. I tried to keep my distance but when she talked to you she got up in your face. Not in a mean way though. Anyway last week I got a sore throat. I thought nothing of it really. But now a week later it doesn't seem to be getting better. It hurts more than any other sore throat I have had before. My parents are thinking maybe it's strep throat. It could be. I will probably make a doctors oppiontment tomorrow for Monday. Sorry for the gross picture. That's what my throat looks like right now.

Okay I'm a complete Dork

In my free time (and I have a lot when I'm not working) I love writting poetry. I personally don't think that I'm all that good (though some people like to tell me otherwise). So I have on my computer 161 pages of poems that I have written since August of 2007. So the last couple days I've been separating them onto there own pages so I can print them out and put them into a book. I've separated all of them now and I have a grand total of 374 poems. I'm a complete dork. In addition to the poems I have 1,714 pages in my life story and 19 diaries that I write in. Yeah, not much of an exciting life that I live. My mom says that I use my poems as an outlet of whatever I may be going through. I guess that's true. In all honesty ever since I started writting the poems in some ways they have helped me get through some rough patches I've had since September 2007. But I think part of it is that I just love doing it. It comes fairly easy to me most of the time. My parents say that I have a talent in it. Though I keep telling them anyone can write poems. They don't agree. But it's really not hard. That's another reason why I say it's not a talent. I don't share them alot. I have several of them on facebook but very few compared to all the ones I've written. I gues you can say I like to write. I mean here I am writting this blog. Oh well.

The Date

Well the group date thing went alright. I don't really expect to hear from Andy again though. He's a nice guy and everything I just don't think that either of us really felt anything. But that's okay. Truth, in some ways I think part of me still likes Tyler. Which totally sucks. Andy I will say is a good cook. After dinner we went and played soccer and I scored a couple points. Which in all honesty is probably the only time that will ever happen. I played soccer all through grade school but never made any goals. But it was a fun night.

No Energy

I have no energy for anything. Truth all I want to do is be lazy. This darn thing (cold,flu,whatever) is compeletely draining me. Though I still plan on going tonight. I just hope I'm not a complete party pooper. Wish me luck.

Stuipd body

Just when I have fun plans for the weekend I start to feel sick. Just my luck! Why couldn't have this started Sunday night after work since I have Monday through Wednesday off. We'll see how tonight and tomorrow goes before I back out or if I back out of anything that I have planned.

Another Update

So this morning I broke things off with Jason hopefully this time he gets the clue. He's a nice guy it's just well...he's still going too fast. And I am just not there.
Last night when I was sitting reserve a guy named Tyler called me. Actually two guys named Tyler called. Tyler Berg from Virginia and Tyler Purcell from Arizona. Anyway that's beside the point. Anyway Tyler Purcell called to see if I work on Saturday. I told him that I have it off. Then he said that he's having a group date and asked if I wanted to go with his roommate. I said sure. I've never met his roommate before. All I know is his name is Andy, he's Tyler's roommate and he's a good cook. So we'll see. I'm actually hoping that we hit it off pretty good. But I'm not going to go into this with any expectations.
Then this morning a girl names Leslie from my ward here in Phoenix called and asked if I wanted to go to the movies on Friday. I get off work Friday afternoon. So it looks like my weekend is full. But in all honesty I'm looking forward to it.
Though I do have to say I'm a little nervous about the group date. It's also kind of a blind date seeing how Andy and I know nothing about each other. I'll let you know how it goes.

Poem for Grandma Raynes

I’m sorry that I never said how much I love you.
How your friendly giraffe would make me smile especially if I was blue.
I’m sorry I never said how much I respect you.
How you’ve been an example to help me pull through.
I’m sorry that I never said all you mean to me.
But I want you to know in my heart you will forever be.
I’m sorry that I never said what is in my heart.
But in my life you will always be a part.
I’m sorry that I never told you how great I think you are.
Even when you’re gone you’ll never be very far.
I’m sorry I never said all I should have said.
I will always keep the imagine of your smile inside my head.
I’m sorry I never told you that you are a hero to me.
With everything you’ve been through soon you’ll be let free.
So grandma I just need you to know,
All these things before you go.
You’ve shown to me an example and strength to make it through.
But more than anything else always remember that I love you.

Life sucks!

This is just not my year. I said that if I could get through this month than this year would be okay. But I overslept this morning and missed work. Then I lost my faa card and parking pass. And with everything that happened last month this year isn't looking so good. My life isn't looking so good. To be honest I'm really hating life right now. Life sucks.

Just hoping for a good month

I hope that February ends up being way better than January. Last month just didn't go in my favor. If this month is anything like last month then I'm in BIG trouble. Here's crossing my fingers.